Once a member of high society, Peter Barrister spent his time in the court of King Edward as a highly regarded glass smith. Full of ambition, Pete sought to make his own fortune by building a statue factory in America. It failed. Spectacularly. He now lives at rock bottom, sweeping elephant poop every day, passing time by crafting it into intricate figurines and selling them in our gift shop. Mention us for a 15% discount.
Ivan was juggling before it was cool, but never tried anything sharper than a banana. While his family back in Russia didn’t think he could make a career juggling, he cautiously explores the bleeding edges of the sport, almost as if he has a death wish. Despite impaling himself daily, this distressed man is fairly certain he’ll get this juggling knives thing down sooner or later.
A sixth-generation performer from Vienna, Malory was classically trained in the finest ballet school in all of Paris (not THE Paris), and as such, this snooty girl demanded to have a spot in the ‘Show. Much to her chagrin, the only job left was high above on the tightrope, where she now teeters with disaster night after night.
The strongest lad this side of Glasgow, Brodie shattered caber tossing records when he was just five. His seven skinny siblings complained he ate all the food, but they can relax now that he is seeking a bigger stage with the ‘Show. The other performers claim he is a lamb, but we warn you not to touch his haggis.
This daughter of the South is the epitome of etiquette. She grew up in Raleigh, North Carolina on a tobacco plantation and whips up the best sweet potato pie this side of Macon. She loves the softer things in life, such as raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. She is currently pursuing an endorsement deal with a subscription-based razor blade company.
Jabu is more than he seems. Known as the Guru of the Midwest, he was once the top furniture salesman in Cleveland, but abandoned all worldly goods – except his waffle iron – in an effort to promote mind over body. Be wise and let his reality shape your perception.
Born with a rare epiglottal condition, Evelyn began the precarious practice of sword swallowing to cure her chronic hiccups. Doctors aren’t sure why she did this, as they insisted a glass of water would do just fine. To her surprise, she has only worked the Sideshow for a few months and has already earned enough from tips to pay her way through law school.
Man or machine, no one really knows. Zebulon showed up one night in a strange shipping crate from Sri Lanka. To this day, no one knows who hired/ordered him. A curious number of his sensational predictions feature familiar 80’s movie themes.
Tobias Norbert, a.k.a “Sterling” is a crack shot that ain’t takin’ no guff from nobody. Full of grit, he’s a real straight shooter who tells it like it is. The Sideshow had better watch out for this cowboy, ’cause he threatens to take what’s rightfully his from the company coffers if he doesn’t get his cut. You didn’t hear it from me, but he has a delightful Pomeranian named Gumdrop.
Defying the laws of nature, Roy is rumored to be the father of his own conjoined twin. These happy-go-lucky buffoons were discovered performing on a bridge in the middle of Missouri. Their one, er two, man show not-so-surprisingly involved ham hocks, gunpowder and moonshine. The Ozark Tribune gave them three thumbs up, calling it a “Bumfuzzling performance.” Come by and check out the scuttlebutt for yourself.
Rose transferred in to the Sideshow after claiming to seek a greater audience to display her grace and beauty. We didn’t question it at the time, but after dozens of inquiries from the authorities, we’re starting to suspect that she’s secretly a black market antiquities dealer. The fact that her rather large private art collection keeps growing despite her virtually non-existent salary is not helping her case.
A black-listed street performer from Carnival in Rio, Isabel is an unassuming librarian by day, and a fiery soul by night. It’s only when she performs that she can let her inner demons come out and play. With catastrophe constantly looming, this hypnotic performance has been known to singe a few hairs here and there.
Nigel’s cool and calm demeanor suggests he has everything under control, blissfully unaware that the hungry lion is quietly contemplating a gruesome revenge. He joined the ‘Show after falsely claiming to have lead dozens of safaris in Africa, when in reality he was a bellhop at a swanky hotel in Johannesburg. He owns a copy of the Jungle Book, but still hasn’t read it.
Fearless every time she climbs the ladder, it’s not until she looks down that her vertigo kicks in. Between that, and the fact that she can’t swim, we’re left wondering why she was hired in the first place. Hold your breath and enjoy the jaw-dropping plunge as she drenches you with her charm.
Cecil is the happiest guy in the ‘Show after quitting his day job as a patent clerk to pursue his thrill-seeking passion. Even though it takes nine pounds of butter to grease him up enough to squeeze him down the tube, it’s worth every penny watching him defy gravity as he skyrockets through the air. We don’t know what he likes more, hearing the crowd chant his name, or hearing the blast of the cannon. Frankly, we’re surprised he can hear anything at all.
Island living off the coast of Brooklyn gave Reginald a flair for the dramatic. After contemplating greatness for years, he started his first show with 15 of his favorite imaginary friends – at the age of 27. With extreme hubris, he shamelessly leads this ragtag group of performers on his grand tour. He is eager to wake up every day just to put on the felt hat and button chains. He cordially invites you to the 43rd Best Sideshow on Earth …good luck!
Having recently given up on his deep sea fishing career, this salty character was literally shredding his axe when he was discovered by Sideshow producers. Despite his obvious dexterity issues, Barry somehow seemed to be the perfect fit for the road crew. We really can’t think of the name of the place, but he’s often found dining on the cheddar biscuits at a popular chain restaurant with the other roadies.
Note: This performer is included in the Sideshow Shenanigans expansion.
